Vang Vieng and Vientiane

I saw a poster advertising Laos as the 'Jewel of the Mekong' and I can see why. Laos is a beautiful country, rich with stunning scenery, and it really shines with the welcoming warmth of its lovely people. Sadly its history is as full of bulletholes as the rest of South East Asia's due to the Vietnam war which forced the people of Laos to retreat into jungles and caves as the full force of America's wrath was unleashed on the country. More bombs were dropped on Laos between 1964 and 1973 than were dropped throughout the whole of World War II earning it the unwanted label of the World's most bombed place per capita; around 30% of these bombs remain unexploded leaving a deadly legacy that still plagues the beautiful landscapes.

Vang Vieng is famous for its now almost extinct tubing party scene ... Basically this involved giving a bunch of backpackers rubber rings to float down the river in whilst giving them access to all sorts of drugs and alcohol as well as some zip lines and ropes to jump in the water with. Sounds great on paper, but after causing up to 40 tourist deaths per year the whole thing was promptly put to an end a couple of years ago at the request of the Australian government. Well, I say it sounds great - that depends what you are into. Personally I had an brilliant experience floating down this beautiful valley having drunk nothing but a beer which we bought at the beautiful home of some locals who literally fished us out of the water. The lack of party people was in my opinion a great improvement judging from my quick YouTube review of what it was like back in its 'prime' - I guess I'm just showing my age here though! Our float down the river wasn't completely uneventful however, after staring at a huge fluorescent sign telling me to 'STOP TUBING HERE' I somehow managed to miss the river bank completely and float right past helplessly waving at Cata who thought she'd have to come and collect me in Cambodia somewhere. A local man in a boat sailed right past me as I was frantically splashing about across the current and helpfully pointed out that I should have got off the river by now - yes, thank you, I'm fully aware actually. Had i been drunk I probably would have ended up somewhere in Cambodia but where I actually ended up was trying to clumsily clamber up a wooden platform with my leg above my head and a rubber ring around my waist before giving up on that failed strategy and finally managing to grab on to some grass and toss myself on to a muddy knoll much to the bemusement of an onlooker - such a  smooth sailor.  Thankfully there's no photographic evidence of the above so forget what you just read because it never actually happened...

While in Vang Vieng I was also reunited with a friend that I'd met in Borneo and his mate and had an awesome night out dancing the night away with good people at the local nightclubs. To shake off the hangover, we visited some more waterfalls and the beautiful blue lagoon which was good fun despite the incessant rain.

Drinking beer after being fished out of the river:

"Just a bunch of fffff*kin' mates,aye":

More waterfalls:

The blue lagoon:

Can someone explain to me exactly what this man thinks that these arm bands are going to achieve?:

Our last stop was Vientiane which I believe is the most relaxed capital city in the World. I had the most amazing traditional Laos massage which basically consisted of a woman attempting to squeeze the life out of me with her bare hands - painful yet very relaxing. Had another great night out with newfound friends which resulted in the need for this breakfast:

Yum. Kop chai lai lai Laos! It has been an absolute pleasure.

Chiang Mai and Luang Prabang

Chiang Mai in the north of Thailand is a cute town with a dangerously large and busy night market ... What little space I had in my backpack has quickly disappeared! On top of good shopping, the market hosts a blues bar with the best Thai blues band known to man.  Seriously!:

We signed up for a Thai cooking class where we were given a tour of the local market and all it's exotic goods and made curry pastes, papaya salads, spring rolls, noodle soups and banana in coconut milk to finish it all off. Tres fun and tres tasty! The key to Thai food is just to add in tons of flavour with thousands of spices that I'll probably never find in Europe! But I'll damn well try. Thai dinner party at my place come September!

Curry paste ingredients:

Spring rolls:

Noodle soup:

So not only did we get to spend a really fun afternoon learning about food and meeting new people, but then we got to eat it all. What's not to love?!

From Chiang Mai we opted to take a two day journey across the Thai/Laos border and up to Luang Prabang. Day one was spent squished in a mini van getting thrown about windy roads but thankfully  we met a great group of people that made the journey much more enjoyable. Once we crossed the border we got put in little huts in the middle of nowhere for the night. The setting was stunning but the accommodation was a little wanting even for my relatively low standards. It wasn't so much the collection of spider webs or the cracks in the wall that bothered me as the bloody Asian style toilet ... Now I haven't brought this up before because I've successfully managed to avoid using these things but in Laos it is a different story... Asia. Please read this carefully. Why, oh WHY do you insist on making excusing oneself a balancing act worthy of Cirque du Soleil?! What on Earth is wrong with a nice clean toilet seat and a good old roll of loo paper?! The insistence of cleaning up with a hose afterwards makes the whole bathroom a little pond which becomes totally unsuitable for flip flop wearers. Ive lost my shame after the ping pong post so here go Kate's Asian toilet tips: 

Chest out and shoulders back for some pre-toilet confidence, make sure to roll up your trousers before venturing in.

Ascertain whether the puddle you are about to walk into is deeper than your flip flops are thick - if it is, abort the mission immediately. If it is not, then begin to tiptoe in carefully trying not to splash yourself or slide into the splits right into the mess... Walking like a duck seems to help.

Step up on to the slippery porcelain (who you trying to kid Asia? Those corrugated edges do nothing!), carefully position your feet across the designated hole making sure you've got some strong balance so your foot doesn't end up in the bog. 

Now comes the tricky part... Pulling down your trousers past your knees whilst holding up the bottom of them so that they don't end up in the blinking piss puddle is quite the art-form I assure you.

Once your trousers are down and hopefully still dry, assume optimum squatting position - you'll soon learn the hard way what angles you are supposed to be in once you've got your feet wet a couple of times... Nothing quite worse than peeing on yourself.

The final step is to always have toilet paper on you because even if you do resort to the hose option (which I've thankfully managed to avoid so far) - how Asia, please tell me, HOW do you dry yourselves?!?! I just don't understand...

If you really want to test out your new found toilet skills try the above steps in a dodgy Laos nightclub after a few beers and cocktails. After passing this test I believe I am deserving of an Asian Toilet Bachelor of Arts. Next stop, blow darts...

The second day of our Laos journey was spent travelling up the beautiful Mekong river before finally arriving at Luang Prabang which we loved. Hard to sum this one up really as we squeezed quite a lot in - weaving village visits, bathing with elephants, swimming in waterfalls, dinners with new friends, late night bowling alleys and more shopping, naturally. I'd go into it all in detail but its easier and more effective to post some photos!

Mekong:

Waterfalls:

Pure awesomeness:

Rice fields:

Hand woven goods at the night market:

Lao barbecue:

 The only place open past 11pm... Obviously?!:

So far we are absolutely loving Laos, the people here are so unbelievably lovely, the scenery is breathtaking, the food is delicious and all for the cheapest prices in Asia so far. 

Key info:

Cooking classes: We Cook, Chiang Mai. Run by the lovely Miw on a beautiful property just outside the city. 

LaoLao Garden, Luang Prabang for the most fun you'll have during a meal.